we're meant to grow stronger coming out of moments of weakness.
but if so,
something's got to be wrong here -
i must not be out.
i find your face in crowds without even looking.
then i blink,
and once again,
i'm anchored down into the past -
you, the key.
it wasn't perfect,
you were not perfect,
but nobody's faults have been any less irrelevant than yours.
you told me i deserved better but -
and out of no lack of self-respect -
what if i don't want it, because
what if i already had it?
you were someone who was worth the risk and,
for a while (and in that while we were bound like no other could),
you saw the same in me.
knowing that was better than any high.
but here i am,
escaping into the haze,
waiting to be able to free myself of this weight,
and finally breathe.