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literature
better than any high.
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Literature Text
we're meant to grow stronger coming out of moments of weakness.
but if so,
something's got to be wrong here -
i must not be out.
i find your face in crowds without even looking.
then i blink,
and once again,
you're gone.
i'm anchored down into the past -
you, the key.
it wasn't perfect,
you were not perfect,
but nobody's faults have been any less irrelevant than yours.
you told me i deserved better but -
and out of no lack of self-respect -
what if i don't want it, because
what if i already had it?
you were someone who was worth the risk and,
for a while (and in that while we were bound like no other could),
you saw the same in me.
knowing that was better than any high.
but here i am,
escaping into the haze,
waiting to be able to free myself of this weight,
and finally breathe.
but if so,
something's got to be wrong here -
i must not be out.
i find your face in crowds without even looking.
then i blink,
and once again,
you're gone.
i'm anchored down into the past -
you, the key.
it wasn't perfect,
you were not perfect,
but nobody's faults have been any less irrelevant than yours.
you told me i deserved better but -
and out of no lack of self-respect -
what if i don't want it, because
what if i already had it?
you were someone who was worth the risk and,
for a while (and in that while we were bound like no other could),
you saw the same in me.
knowing that was better than any high.
but here i am,
escaping into the haze,
waiting to be able to free myself of this weight,
and finally breathe.
Thank you for you reading, your support, and your feedback! I really appreciate it! Hope you thought this was worth the visit.
© 2012 - 2024 jthomas10
Comments8
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Overall Vision
Originality
Technique ImpactLet's start with the bad stuff. Irrelevant, this word signifies, of course I mean to me, a lack of emotional investiture when compared to the rest of the poem where you have an emotional enthronization of the unnamed woman where your feelings for her are solid, rooting you in the past making it impossible for you to move on with your life.
Vision: The vision you impart is clear and there is no doubt what you are writing about. 5
Originality: That is an unfair rating as I have probably read at 20,000 poems, 4. Broken hearts are not original. I read a poem written by a Greek woman around six hundred BC, who was married to a sheep herder. She had given up everything for him, but he worked all of the time as she did and the only time he paid attention to her was for sex. Tragic. I imagine this feels original to you.
Technique: I liked it. 3.5
Impact: 4.5 Love is such a beautiful fragility always with a tragic ending.
Nice job.