jthomas10

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woebegone by jthomas10, literature

Literature

woebegone

i gouge through their tainted eyes and i listen to their voices impart idiocy. their very presence wastes space, their every touch, foul. i've become more critical, been judgmental too many times. i lose myself in this pursuit of what i've lost, i genuinely fear it irreclaimable - beyond any cupid or lady luck. the only thing that will tell me is time but my young soul is tired, somehow inclined to love you again.

five a.m. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

five a.m.

it disappointingly looks onto us as we walk on. while we look for it again in all the wrong places it drops to its knees praying for our pride to die. it holds onto the hope that we'll call upon it again. it is as low as we feel, mournful over its untimely demise. its faith wears thin and our bond cripples. powerless, it waits for the storm to run out of rain. because you couldn't live with yourself i now have to live with it. i still can't forget your perfidy. you're nowhere in sight but you echo through my entire day - not that guilty glimmer in your eye, not your doubt, not the shake in your voice, or even the tears i struggled not

this i know for sure. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

this i know for sure.

you're going to break a lot of heart. you're going to be the reason to stay up late for, why during the day they are tired. they'll hope that cabs struggle spotting you so you settle in letting them take you home. you're going to be prowling through their head all day. you're going to make them scramble. wherever you are is where they are going to rather be. they're going to have you in their arms and they're going to feel right. only to you will apologizing feel natural. you're going to be their motivation and their assurance. they're not going to know what to say or how to say it. but they will. your smile will grab hold of them by the coll

__________ by jthomas10, literature

Literature

__________

time refuses to heal. every memory of you haunts and taunts and shadows my everyday, and silence is telling me more than i ever wanted it to. it remembers too much. clinging to the past i feel inept. my Joy is overcome by Pain. while distance is meant to exhaust this ache to see you, i'm still drawn to your charm, a charm you are unaware you have, one charm i selfishly hope nobody finds. we may have been young and wore naivety with a smile, yet we shared more than what anyone expected of us. but now i hesitate in deciding who to turn to. lost, i doubt every one's allegiance, questioning their selfless concern. the divine timbre

blown into the trees. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

blown into the trees.

there were thousands of them, chandelier after chandelier. each with its own story, its own past, its own reason for being sent out. every wish rose into the darkness of night, piecing together a ceiling of hope. every year it asks for sickness' turn to die. it waits for poverty to strike a little softer, for everyone to have something to be thankful and grateful for but as they dissipated further and further i already knew joy stood right across from me. i had already seen it in your heaven-sent eyes, when i grabbed hold of your trembling hand. what burned in us burned stronger than every one above us, it burned brighter than that of every

burned from both ends. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

burned from both ends.

we'd been burning from both ends. nowhere for us to run. nowhere else to end up. the one you once chose to turn to turned into one to turn away from. i lose myself understanding how how at one point we had no end in sight. how we sat among the stars that stretch on forever, bound with the blue that refuses to end. how somewhere along the way we dropped. everything we did couldn't wouldn't go our way. how every word could taste so wrong. how your voice could ever be irritably foul. my eyes peel into the distance, tirelessly puzzling our broken pieces together. we showed we could be unworldly, together we redefined 'potential'.

either way. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

either way.

i dreamt about you the other day. it took me longer than i'm proud of to realize when i woke up that it was you. but i was happy in there, i didn't care. maybe i didn't want to. see, i may miss you, and sometimes i may not but, either way i remember you everyday. it's exasperating. i'm always turning. you changed, out from nowhere but i'm still turning - turning to where you once stood beside me, where you once looked back at me with those big beautiful eyes, a time when fo

stunned. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

stunned.

it's an early morning, i'm unaware how it's one in the afternoon out there, in reality, and i lay in bed, wishing i hadn't descended back down in those few hours of sleep. i crumple through the sheets, summer's finally quit too, my eyes force themselves shut, but again, my first thought is you. the left-open window's already invited it in, but i'll give autumn a proper welcoming. i leave behind the warmth of my four white walls and immediately i'm hit. the sharpness of the cold stuns me. i'm stopped, almost pushed back inside. this is familiar, but into that one memory i dug.

the next time i saw you. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

the next time i saw you.

what would i still remember? what would be darting across my mind? how many times would i have crossed your mind by then? by then would i still be at all? would you have to stop and think how to react? would the ticker tell you to walk off? in which direction would logic sway you towards? will i remember how it was - to be stricken with the softness of your lips? would i still be lifted by that laugh? what would it be like - to hear that voice again? would you stare back blankly like i expect myself to? but if our eyes hadn't cross would you have struggled deciding what to do?/ who will you have been with since? what would you be

been a while. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

been a while.

it looks so easy apathy - to forget, to settle for less. i've never been good at it, or at this. that's how strong i am now. see, i have my own doubts. they have me stuck here. i'm not pinned saying i won't be happy again. i just won't be able to love another the same way. i fight against using that word when i'm on about you. i'm afraid to use it at all now. i miss the best thing about you. your smile. if i had the voice though, i might sing that out loud. if i had the balls, i'd just tell you now, in spite of how we've grown apart. because, truthfully, i miss mine too.

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this i know for sure. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

this i know for sure.

__________ by jthomas10, literature

Literature

__________

blown into the trees. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

blown into the trees.

burned from both ends. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

burned from both ends.

either way. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

either way.

stunned. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

stunned.

the next time i saw you. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

the next time i saw you.

been a while. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

been a while.

better than any high. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

better than any high.

we're meant to grow stronger coming out of moments of weakness. but if so, something's got to be wrong here - i must not be out. i find your face in crowds without even looking. then i blink, and once again, you're gone. i'm anchored down into the past - you, the key. it wasn't perfect, you were not perfect, but nobody's faults have been any less irrelevant than yours. you told me i deserved better but - and out of no lack of self-respect - what if i don't want it, because what if i already had it? you were someone who was worth the risk and, for a while (and in that while we were bound like no other could), you saw the

too early. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

too early.

perhaps it's still too early to tell, but now i know how things are without, and how difficult it is for anyone to live up to the same standards i had set for me (even after i thought i myself lowered them out of anger/fear), but i'm not any happier. i'm not any further away from the bottom. i'm not any less bound to what was let go of long enough ago. i'm more distant from whom i was with, once, closest. but perhaps, like i'm always reassured, it's just still too early to tell.

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this i know for sure. by jthomas10, literature

Literature

this i know for sure.

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About jthomas10

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Deviant for 11 years
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jthomas10

Jul 25, 2012

a mild case of deathless depression.

0 min read

we weren't the most fearless, thrilling pair - you and your doubt made sure of that. yet pathetically, there's not much I wouldn't have wanted to do with you, for you, for us. do not get the wrong impression. spineless or effeminate i was not. naive and impulsive, perhaps. a poor investor, definitely. i'm drained; melancholia has made me limp, i'm numb with regret, and despite my anger, i have somehow been left cold. the words i try to put together don't appear to make sense. they don't join as intimately as the two they refer to did. they're meant to reflect how i, more than anything, crave happiness for me, for you, just

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jthomas10

Jul 23, 2012

crescendos.

0 min read

for the moments we managed to escape into euphoria,      bored with everything else but each other. for the moments we deservingly grew closer,      indivisible, thick as thieves. for the feeling we got when we knew we were crazy about one another,      we had found someone we were ready to stick it out for,       to stick it out with. with you absent everything has lost appeal, lacking glory. so much of my security came from your approving smile. i mattered. it's quieter now, cheerless. the silence deafening, unhappy not knowing, reminiscing about the suspended. for when your knees fell weak, for when my eyes awed into your

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jthomas10

Jul 19, 2012

my very own plummeting plane of pain.

0 min read

crazy how quickly one can drop; plummet, really. no tune,    green,    body,    thing, gets me back up quick enough. your presence echoes everywhere, even when i see spiders. (see, i haven't seem to forget your petrifying fear for them) first reaction: MOTHER FUCKER! second reaction: mother fucker. i'm down, the crash followed the burn. lost, piecing together the story behind my own wreckage.